I Hear the Rain...

So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today -to love the Lord your God and to serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and olive oil. Deuteronomy 11:13-14

Rain is liquid water in the form of droplets that have condensed from atmospheric water vapor and then precipitated - that has become heavy enough to fall under gravity.  Rain is a major component of the water cycle and is responsible for depositing most of the fresh water on the planet.  It's a vital part of life and it's considered nourishment for humans, animals and plants.  We need rain.  1 Kings 18:41 says Then Elijah said to Ahab "Go up, eat and drink; for there is the sound of abundance of rain."  After several years of a drought, Elijah prayed for rain and when it wasn't received he trusted God that it would eventually come.  Throughout all of my sadness I trust God that my rain is on the way.  We've definitely had our share of rain clouds (and still do) over the past couple of years so we KNOW our rain is on the way.

We couldn't possibly wrap our minds around having another child and definitely not so soon.  We're still healing and Jesus is still binding up our shattered hearts.  But it is obvious that once again His plans prevail because on Easter morning (the greatest morning ever) we found out that yet again, we are expecting.  While our hearts were flooded with anxiety of having to experience last year all over again, there was also a small ray of sonshine.  The one thing I prayed for at the beginning of the year, if you remember, was for God to make my heart whole.  My due date is 11/30/12.  No words...How amazing is that??   Dr. J was very excited for us and quickly scheduled a prescreening appointment at UAMS.  To return to that high risk pregnancy clinic was definitely one of those overwhelming moments.  Sooo many memories flooded our minds, from a place that kept finding things wrong with Jay, it was definitely a place we never wanted to see the inside of again.   One of the times that we were there I remember sitting in the waiting room and having a conversation with another mom to be.  Listening to her describe her baby's future and the preparations she was making for him and all I could think was what a blessing.  A blessing that may not even be mine.  I remember that feeling of wanting what the other ladies were going to have but it just wasn't in my plans.  This time the wait was just as painful, fear of the unknown is uncomfortable, but help me Lord I'm still trusting You.  Chipper Kate greeted us again and took us back to counsel and prepare me.  They took several measurements of the back of our baby's head and did bloodwork on me to test my hormone levels which would test for downs and trisomy13/18.  My heart beat rapidly as Chipper Kate called me that same afternoon telling me that our results were in and everything looked great.  Of course it's not 100% confirmation but nothing is.  I will never take those words for granted again.  We are beyond excited because we know that this too is apart of His plans.  Just when you think the story is over it turns down another road.  We see God at work.  One thing I've learned is that we can choose to view God's plans for our life as positve or negative.  We can accept them or we can deny them, but when we deny them we're the ones missing out.  Faith without works is dead.  James 2:26.  His hands are all over this.  Friday we found out the sex of the baby.  Throughout our journey with Jay, I thanked God and gave Him all the glory when I was at my best.  I asked for her back when I was at my worst.  I think what overwhelms me more is not that He's answering my prayer, but that He heard me.  There's something about knowing that God loves us enough to hear our cries.  Yes, our baby is a girl (and if you know my daddy please don't tell him, he wants to be surprised.)  We are naming her Laykan Khristian Allen.  Khristian because that was also Jay's middle name and we feel there's a strong connection between the two.  You see what is evident is that when you give in obedience to God, He will definitely give back and give back more abundantly.  Luke 6:38.  He is certainly a keeper of His Word. I knew in my heart that one day I would receive joy for my mourning, a garment of praise for my spirit of heaviness, beauty for my ashes. I didn't know when but I knew that I would because He's just that good.  We still miss Jay like crazy, but the joy that we're feeling now is indescribable.  Like Elijah, I trust God that my rain is coming.  Yep...I hear the rain...Oh do I hear the rain...this is our year.  Beauty for Ashes and God is still good.