My sweet, sweet baby girl passed away this evening at 5:40 pm. I know she was received with open arms by our loving Savior. I still trust Him. I couldn't have ever imagined this day, but as I was leaving this morning and kissed her goodbye, I knew something was different. Although awake she just wasn't there. I knew she was already gone. It was a feeling deep down in my soul. My baby girl, my baby girl. She's been so weak since she's been home from the hospital. When I came home this evening she was even weaker. I never knew that I would recognize death before death came but I did. She was the spitting image of my Granny Lee right before she passed. I called my mama this evening and I said "Mama, something just ain't right with Jay, I'm going to call hospice." The feeling was there. God was bracing me and covering me at the same time. Mike was outside with the kids. I went out and told him that I felt it was time and I was calling hospice. Jay was so out of it and began to seem uncomfortable. I said "Lord please receive her spirit. I can't take her being uncomfortable Lord I just can't take it." He received it. Our hearts are heavy. It seems unreal. We miss her so. A third of my heart is missing. The shattered pieces will never be put together again. My vision is still real. I know I'll see her running and laughing and playing, just not on this side of glory. I'm trying to remember her smell, I'm trying to remember her touch, I want to remember her cry. My baby girl, my baby girl. I can see her running towards me when I cross over into glory land. She'll be different in a good way. At this point I'm just thankful. Pure thankful. I pray that I was a good mama to my sweet precious baby girl. It's been an honor, a privilege. These last 13 weeks, I've had the time of my life! I've truly enjoyed being the mama of three. My baby girl, my baby girl. It is my prayer that she felt my love. My deep, deep love for her. As she was passing, I sang one more time.
"Like a ship that's tossed and driven, battered by an angry sea. When the storms of life are raging, and the fury falls on me. I wonder what I have done. To make this race so hard to run. Then I say, to my soul, don't worry Oh, the Lord will make a way somehow." I called my mama and I said "Mama she's gone."
We love you baby Jay more than you will ever know. You made my heart beat in a different way. You made me love in a new way. You made me believe in the best way. It's been the greatest having you in our lives. You made me feel like royalty. Thank you for gracing us with your presence. My baby girl, my baby girl. Can't wait until that day...when we meet again.
I love you so my sweet precious baby girl,
Love
Your mama
Thank you so much Lord. God is so good!
