Day 2 without my sweet precious baby girl...

Hurdle #30
Day 2 without my sweet precious baby girl.  Thank you Lord for helping me to make it.  The day just seems so long.  I keep trying to remember every inch of her body and my mind is starting to fail me.  I'm trying to remember her smell.  I found one of her blankets and I know it's crazy but I keep it in bed with us.  I don't know if I'll ever wash it.  I'm trying to remember how she looked when she cried or just when she was sleeping.  I miss her so.  I feel so incomplete.  When I leave my house I feel like I'm leaving her.  When I look in the backseat I realize her carseat isn't there.  As the visitors come I find myself searching for a hand towel so that they may wash their hands.  I want to see her on her boppy.  I see her bottles in the kitchen cabinet and I realize I'll never fix another for her.  I sorted a load of her laundry and my heart broke all over again.  I know as I come across her constant reminders my heart will continue to break all over again.  Just one more walk, just one more bath.  To change her diaper one more time, to wrap her in my arms, to kiss her little cheeks, to smell her little neck just one more time.  Just to hear her cry.  I'm mad at my senses for failing me. I just miss her so.  It's such a big adjustment.  I know I only had her for 13 weeks but our lives changed in those 13 weeks.  How do you go back to the way things were before she entered our world?  Is it even possible?  Lord please fill this void that has been left in our lives.  Rain down on us.  We need peace to free our minds.  We need strength to finish our journey.  I still trust you Lord, you haven't brought me this far to leave me.  Never has death come so close to knocking on my door and coming inside our home.  Please continue to cover us with your grace Lord.  I can only lean on you.  Help me Lord to remember the great times that we were blessed with.  Help me Lord to celebrate the life of this sweet precious baby girl, the sweet fruit of my womb, and the purpose of her life.  Endurance Lord, I need you.  Help me to persevere.  Lord if you find me stubborn please drag me ahead.  I want to be where you want me to be.  Clean out my heart, wash away my sins for I'm just a sinner saved by grace.   Where would I be if not for grace.  Thank you Lord...Thank you Lord.  God is good.

Day 1 without Jay...

Hurdle #29
Last night was my first night sleeping without Jay and today was my first day without loving and kissing on her.  It still seems like a dream.  My heart is aching.  I miss her smell.  I miss patting her bottom.  I just miss her so much.  As I write this blog entry I realize just how weak I am so unfortunately it will be a very short entry because right now I just can't bear it.  Her Celebration of Life service will be Tuesday at 12:00 noon at my church Mt. Gale in Lake Conway.  I know it was all in the plans and God is still showing Himself in a mighty way Praise God.  Praying for strength and peace specifically right now.  Make my heart whole Lord, make it whole.  God is good.

On to GloryLand...

My sweet, sweet baby girl passed away this evening at 5:40 pm.  I know she was received with open arms by our loving Savior.  I still trust Him.  I couldn't have ever imagined this day, but as I was leaving this morning and kissed her goodbye, I knew something was different.  Although awake she just wasn't there.  I knew she was already gone.  It was a feeling deep down in my soul.  My baby girl, my baby girl.  She's been so weak since she's been home from the hospital.  When I came home this evening she was even weaker.  I never knew that I would recognize death before death came but I did.  She was the spitting image of my Granny Lee right before she passed.  I called my mama this evening and I said "Mama, something just ain't right with Jay, I'm going to call hospice."  The feeling was there. God was bracing me and covering me at the same time.  Mike was outside with the kids.  I went out and told him that I felt it was time and I was calling hospice.  Jay was so out of it and began to seem uncomfortable.  I said "Lord please receive her spirit.  I can't take her being uncomfortable Lord I just can't take it."  He received it.  Our hearts are heavy.  It seems unreal.  We miss her so.  A third of my heart is missing.  The shattered pieces will never be put together again.  My vision is still real.  I know I'll see her running and laughing and playing, just not on this side of glory.  I'm trying to remember her smell, I'm trying to remember her touch, I want to remember her cry.   My baby girl, my baby girl.  I can see her running towards me when I cross over into glory land.  She'll be different in a good way.  At this point I'm just thankful.  Pure thankful.  I pray that I was a good mama to my sweet precious baby girl.  It's been an honor, a privilege.  These last 13 weeks, I've had the time of my life!  I've truly enjoyed being the mama of three.   My baby girl, my baby girl.  It is my prayer that she felt my love.  My deep, deep love for her.  As she was passing, I sang one more time.  "Like a ship that's tossed and driven, battered by an angry sea.  When the storms of life are raging, and the fury falls on me.  I wonder what I have done.  To make this race so hard to run.  Then I say, to my soul, don't worry Oh, the Lord will make a way somehow."   I called my mama and I said "Mama she's gone."

We love you baby Jay more than you will ever know.  You made my heart beat in a different way.  You made me love in a new way.  You made me believe in the best way.  It's been the greatest having you in our lives.  You made me feel like royalty.  Thank you for gracing us with your presence.  My baby girl, my baby girl.  Can't wait until that day...when we meet again.

I love you so my sweet precious baby girl,

Love

Your mama

Thank you so much Lord.  God is so good!

Faith...

Today I turned my calendar on my desk and it says, "We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7.  Thank you so much Lord for your constant reminders.  Faith.  What a wonderful thing.  I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity to live by faith.  Faith keeps me up instead of down.  Faith lights the way in all my darkness.  Faith constantly reminds me just how much you love us Lord.  Thank you for providing us with the proper tools to get through each day.  Faith, the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.  Lord I have faith.  You know my heart.  Trusting you.  Thank you Lord for faith.  God is good.

Willing...

Today was a pretty calm day for Jay.  She slept 12 straight hours through the night last night.  I'm sure she's so exhausted bless her heart.  She's slept the majority of today.  She still has a lot of fluid on her little body.  She's beginning to cry quieter and quieter and I have a feeling that has to do with her vocal chords.  I really hate that she's having such a tough week but I trust God to send some good days her way.

In the 9th chapter of Luke Jesus tells His disciples to "Follow me".  What I'm learning is that a "willing" follower of Jesus realizes that being a follower is not going to always be convenient with our lives.  Challenges will come, difficulties will be presented, trials will happen.  It's easy to get comfortable with our lives.  It's easy to get into a routine.  Sometimes we try to fit Jesus into our routine.  A serious follower builds their routine around Jesus.  But when we're "willing" followers, our priorities are in order.  When our priorities are in the "correct" order, Jesus comes first.  It begins and ends with Him.  When we put Jesus first in our lives we drop everything for Jesus.  Everything.  We no longer focus on our flesh but we began to focus on His Spirit.  Even when we don't understand, even when we don't agree and even when we just don't feel like it.  It's not about us.  Help me Lord not to deny you but to become the "willing" disciple that you desire for me to be.  It's all a choice.  I don't fully understand things.  I don't understand at all.  I don't understand why this sweet precious child of mine has to bear this cross that's been given to her.   But Lord I'm willing and as hard as it is, I surrender all.  Please Lord continue to shine your bright light in the midst of our dark days.  Carry us on the days that we cannot walk.  Give us vision on days that we cannot see.  Give us wisdom on days that we cannot think.  Be her breath on days she cannot breathe.  Carry her in the midst of her dark days.  Don't leave her alone Father, please hold her hand.  We trust you Lord.  Clean out my heart Lord.  In Jesus' name I release this prayer.  Thank you Lord.  Bless you Lord.  God is good.

In the bouncer

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God is love...

We are home sweet home and back to a normal running house.  Bray's screaming, Raghan's ignoring me and Jay is just simply chilling!  I just love it.  She's had her first bottle since we've been home and she did just perfect with it.  Bless you Lord!  Michael told me that when we rode off on the ambulance on Saturday Raghan said "At least we have a picture".  Breaks my heart but I'm so glad that her teacher Mrs. Melton had all the kids in the class made her cards.  I just love it and Raghan was thrilled.  We're going to try and continue to feed Jay with a bottle but if it causes a problem we'll switch to a tube that's dropped down her nose and into the intestines.  Right now my fav hospice nurse Charlie is on her way to visit us.  Thank you Lord for discharging us and cover those that are still waiting to be discharged.  Lord allow your Spirit to camp out in our home tonight.  We need you.  Please continue to hold and watch over baby Jay.  Thank you Lord for putting us in a position to live by faith. Thank you for your everlasting love that we are so not worthy of.  God is love.  God is good.

A poem for my baby girl...Welcome home and Happy 3 months!

My world stopped

My heart dropped

In my arms

Your body went limp

Your arms fell to your side

all I could think was how short of a ride

I wasn't ready

It just couldn't be

I put my head down and cried Lord help me

My baby Jay

My baby girl

You tried to slip away

Away from this world

But God said uh uh uh,

Not just yet

I still have plans for you

Mama don't you fret

He said I AM GOD

just trust me

I got this

don't you see??

He showed up,

He showed out,

My God, My God

I just want to shout

We bless your name

So glad you came

To set us free

Lord we believe

Thank you Lord

Bless you Lord

Glory to God,

He is good I tell you

God is good. 

Welcome home baby girl!!



I wasn't choking her, I was trying to get her to stop crying :)



You are my peace and I worship Thee...

Not only are we blessed with a ride home Praise God, but He blessed us with a peaceful ride home. God is good!

Home sweet home we're on our way...

We are finally leaving ACH. We had to wait for a portable oxygen tank. Now on to pick up the rest of the kiddos and then home sweet home. Thank you Lord for allowing us to bring her home. We are lifting you and praising you with all of our hearts. God is good.

Baby girl minus 2 tubes yay!!

Day 4 at ACH...We're back at Your throne BOLDLY and specifically...

Like a ship that's tossed and driven, battered by an angry sea.  When the storms of life are raging, and the fury falls on me.  I wonder what I have done, to make this race so hard to run.  Then I say, to my soul don't worry Oh, the Lord will make a way somehow.

Yes Jay the angry sea is all around you.  Your storms are raging and you don't even know it.  Mama knows your race is hard and I wish I could run it for you, but we trust God, that He has your soul.  We trust God that He's running your race.  Don't worry baby girl, the Lord will make a way.  God got this and God got you.  You're covered. 
Love Mama

I think I sing this song about 20 times a day to Jay. It comforts her and settles her down.  She calms down and stares at me as if she's saying "okay mama".  Priceless.  Yesterday was a really tough day for us.  Her doctor feels that everything that's happening is just the progression of her disease.  We are out of ICU and in a regular room since all of her tests came back negative for infection.  Thankfully last night Jay had a pretty good night.  I'm sure she's so worn out from everyone touching her and invading her space.  I think she eventually got up to a pound and a half of fluid and finally it's starting to go down.  I can't imagine how miserable she must feel I just pray that God comforts her to no end.  We should get her swallow study done today although the speech therapist isn't sure if it will help anything.   Thicker liquids are usually good to help a baby not aspirate but in Jay's case she already has so much secretion in the back of her throat (very common for trisomy babies) that the thicker liquid isn't helping her. This secretion tends to weaken their lungs until they just stop breathing.  It could have possibly had something to do with her not being able to take the next breath last Saturday morning.  We should be getting dismissed today, but we haven't seen a doctor.  We have lots of hard decisions to make.  Decisions that a mom or dad would never want to make.  Right now, we are coming boldly and specifically before His throne of grace asking that God opens her airway Himself.  Reduce the secretion, Mold her heart, Develop that brain, Strengthen those lungs dear Lord, ease her pain, hold her in Your arms Lord.  We trust you.  We believe in Your Almighty power.  We are thankful Lord.  Thankful for Your showering grace.  Thankful for the blessing of Life.  Thankful for the purity of Your goodness.  We need wisdom Lord.  We need guidance to make the right decisions in baby girl's life.  Not decisions about what we think should be done, but decisions that follow the plan that You formed so long ago.  Keep Your Spirit and Your angels encamped all around her Lord.  Keep her peaceful at all times Lord. You know her needs.  SHE needs You.  Lord You are the greatest and we trust You.  Move us out of Your way to do what You do because You do it best.  Clean our hearts Lord and receive our prayer.  In Jesus name!  God is good.

Happy 13 Weeks Baby Jay!

So sorry you're spending the first day of your 13th week hooked up to monitors.  Praying for better days for you.  Love mama. 

God is good.

My Lord...

Touch Lord!  God is good.

Day 3 of ICU

Hurdle #28
I think making it through 2 days of ICU and all that she's been thru equals a completed hurdle. Really missing my kids. So wish we could all be under one roof living our normal day to day life. Mike went home last night to get the kids. They were ready to be home. Hate not being there but don't want to leave here unless Jay comes with me. She had a better night last night and tended to be more calm. She's still holding her breath and sometimes has to be bagged. She also has gained about a pound of fluid from her IV and antibiotics. Her little ankle band was cutting off her circulation. She just looks so different. Still waiting on her second round of blood tests. The doctor thinks the first round became contaminated because it showed bacteria however Jay hasn't run any fever and doesn't clinically show any infection. She's getting her ECHO of her heart as I write this blog entry. They're going to watch her in ICU yet a couple of more days and hopefully get a swallow study done to show if her milk is going to her lungs. We're just going to hang on as we go the long journey around. Thank you Lord for leading us on this long journey for we walk by faith and not by sight. Where would I be. Hold her hand Lord, please hold her hand. Thank you Lord for blessing us with another day, no matter what kind of day it is, you blessed us to see it. God is good!
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Strengthen us Lord, Comfort her please...

My baby, this is the hardest thing ever to sit here as they poke and push and stick Jay.  BREAKING MY HEART!  She has one tube in her mouth to keep her stomach drained and empty.  They are going to put another tube in that goes to her intestines to feed her, so she'll have 2 tubes in not to mention the oxygen tube in her nose which really isn't that bad.  They think her blood draw from yesterday got contaminated because it came back with bacteria in it.  She doesn't clinically show any signs of infection since she has no fever or vomiting so they decided to do a second blood draw and retest.  Tomorrow we will get an ECHO done of her heart.  We've also spoken with ENT about her floppy airways and she may be a candidate for surgery to help fix that.  OH YEAH she's lost half a pound so we're back down to 5.7.  Rough day for baby Jay but I choose to believe that better days are ahead.  I know God won't give us more than we can bear, not even her.  Touch Lord.  No one can touch like you.  Comfort Lord, no one can comfort like you.   Lord you said you are our rock, our fortress our deliverer.  Make your strength perfect in all of our weaknesses because we are weak.  Here goes my heart shattering again, where are the pieces, where are the pieces???  This evening she shed a tear when they stuck the other tube in.  She doesn't typically do that.  She's got to be in some mad discomfort. Catch her tears Lord I know you didn't say it would be easy. Thank you for allowing us to trust and lean on you. Thank you Lord for reminding me that you got this. God is good.

Holding baby girl!

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Day 2 of ICU

Jay cried most of the night. I even rocked her to sleep at one point but as soon as I laid her down she immediately woke up bless her heart. She's so used to being held so much and it was just too hard to do with all of her tubes and IV's. Just breaks my heart to see her so uncomfortable. They're having to suction her a lot which irritates her throat and causes it to bleed. She's not urinating much either. I am so exhausted I'm not for sure what time I passed out last night. I pray that she has a good day and we get released from ICU soon. Once we leave ICU they'll put us in a regular room. I know she's tired of getting poked on. Yesterday it took an hour and a half just to get the IV's started. They tried all over her body before they settled on her forehead. This morning they had to take one out because it started bleeding. Lord please comfort my child. Rock her Lord, heal her Lord. She's in your hands. Doctors are coming in to see us in a little bit. I pray for a great report. I know that whatever the case, He's not only able but He's also willing. Thank you Lord. God is good!
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Me and my sweet baby girl!

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My sweet baby girl.

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Coming boldly...

Waiting on a UTI test that was suppose to be done in triage but wasn't. Results take 24 - 48 hours. I just sang her to sleep and now they have to wake her. They are keeping her to observe her breathing. So far God has blessed her to breathe wonderfully! Praying boldly before His throne of grace that He continue to allow her to breathe freely and effortless and also that every test that's done comes back with excellent results. Please Lord surround her with your spirit. Cover this room Lord with your presence and comfort for Jay and touch every staff member and grace them with the needed wisdom to care for my sweet precious baby girl. Lord you are in control. Thank you for the neighbors, family and friends that have offered their love and support to us today. We pray that you cover all others that are currently here in ACH and that you comfort and provide the healing that only you can. Thank you Lord for blessing us on this day. Still trusting you, in Jesus name. God is good.

I am so amazed...

I am so amazed.  Today when Jaylan stopped breathing, her heart kept beating.  Her heart, that we were told was not normal and no good.  It kept beating.  We praise you Lord.  You created that heart, you're working that heart.  It's beating.  Thank you Lord that Jaylan is wonderfully and fearfully made in your image by YOU.  I am so amazed.  You are God!  We give you glory Lord.  God is good!

Time stands still...Lord I believe

Hurdle #27

Jay stopped breathing this morning while eating. I tried everything I normally do to get her breathing and nothing would work. I blew in her face, I patted her butt, I squeezed her cheeks, I put her on oxygen. She went limp. Her body melted to a relaxed state right in my arms. That's when I noticed the stillness of our living room and that time had stopped. It literally stood still. As time stopped I screamed for Raghan to get my phone I went out back where Michael was mowing and screamed "I can't get her to breathe!" I called 911. Still no breath. I wasn't ready. As I gave all of my info to the operator Mike did everything he could to get her to breathe. Still no breath. How long can a person live without taking a breath?? I couldn't tell you how long it was because time was still frozen. The operator had me start cpr. I'd never learned it on my own. As I was blowing in her mouth and nose, life happened. She took a breath and both of her arms raised. By the third go around the firemen walked in. As they huddled around her. He looked at me and said "it's ok, her hearts beating 90 to nothing and he smiled at me". They worked on her little sweet body right there in my living room floor. I put my hands on my face and I prayed for peace in the midst of. It's all God's plans. I said Lord, I believe. Next the ambulance came and they decided to load her up and take her to the hospital to get her checked out. Thank you Lord. He's catching my tears and holding her at the same time. So here I am, in the ambulance on my way to ACH. Can one ever be prepared for such a moment in their life?? Maybe not. But God is always prepared. Now all I can think about is, God loves me...God loves me...God loves me...God loves us...God loves her. God is good!

Developmental delays...

 “God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.”  Unknown

Tonight as I was picking up dinner a lady walked in with her one month old baby girl.  Her baby was very unhappy because she was strapped down in her carseat.  She cried and cried and all I could see from where I was standing was her little hands stretched out in the air.  My heart felt sad.  Jay doesn't open and stretch her hands like that. She keeps them clinched all the time.  It's one of her "delays" that Milestones is working on.  Sometimes you just don't realize how hard it is for some to do the simplest things as opening their hands.  I know we have a long road ahead of us but I'll take that long road over no road.  I'm prepared to love her and support her and bear that cross whenever I can grab it from her.  I'll go to the moon for her.  I'll cross the oceans for her.  I'll climb the mountains with her.  I can't imagine all of the patience that God has for us when He's dealing with our "developmental delays".  Thank you God for not giving up on me.  Thank you Lord for going to the moon for me, for crossing the oceans for me.  I praise you Lord for climbing the mountains with me.  Thank you Jesus for bearing my cross for me.  I already love Jay so much, but help me Lord to love her as much as you first loved me.  Yes Lord I trust you to bring me through it because you brought me to it.  God is good.

Today my scripture of the day says:
"Be still and know that I am God:  I will be exalted. Psalm 46:10  It also says, Faith is not an effort, a striving, a ceaseless seeking...but rather a letting go, an abandonment, an abiding rest in God that nothing, not even the soul's shortcomings, can disturb.

Thank you Lord.  You are GOD!  My prayer today is that Baby Jay has a wonderful day of alertness, no aspirations and great breathing.  Bless her Lord with your favor, your grace, your love and keep your Spirit encamped all around her.  Allow her to one day, call you Savior.

The Long Way Around...

I stated earlier that I attended the 2011 Woman Conference at NLC in LR.  As I listened to the words of the song When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with You above the storm, Father You are king over the flood, I will be still and know You are God, I immediately felt the feeling that I felt when Raghan came to me that night and told me that in her prayers she hoped Baby Jay didn't die.  It was a feeling that God was preparing me for something greater.  It honestly made me nervous and all of a sudden I felt my heart weighing heavy.  I hadn't had this feeling since Raghan came to me.  As the praise team continued to sing the tears began to roll.  I prayed during the rest of the song.  Up until this point my prayer to God is that until He shows me something different I will believe and speak life over Jay.  He's confirmed His power through so many ways to me and no matter what the doctors tell me, I will continue to trust in His power.  As this song continued I began to ask God, "Lord are you preparing me for something to come? Are you trying to show me something different?"  I meditated on the words of the song and opened my heart to receive what I felt God was sending my way and the most amazing thing happened next. 

God answers prayers. 

He spoke so clear to my heart in the message that came immediately after the song, given by a dynamic speaker by the name of Charlotte Gambill.  It was titled "The Long Way Around".  In this message God told me that sometimes He need to use people to help other people.  Instead of immediate blessings, sometimes He takes us the long way around to pick up others along the way, to educate others along the way, to help others along the way.  All He wants to know is am I willing to be used by Him.  Healing is nothing to God.  On earth Jesus showed His power through raising Lazarus from the dead.    On my journey, the long way around, I've learned that when God says, I AM GOD, He really is God.  I've learned that I am God's friend.  I've learned that while I'm in the midst of praying for Life and Healing for my own child, I can also pray and rejoice in the joyous moments for other babies.  I've learned that even during my down days I must not let my tears overtake my Faith.  He's going to come to my rescue, but it will be at His own time.  You see, just as I was receiving that song into my heart, the good God that I love so much, looked down on me and said "Oh she's confused, let me make myself clear" and Oh did He ever make Himself clear, and boy did He do it immediately.  He said "Trust me, I AM GOD.  Do you believe for that Healing, do you believe in My power, do you believe that I AM who I say I AM.  I AM God."  Jesus said that if I believe I will see the Glory of God.  Well Lord I believe.  I believe that you are who you say you are. I believe in your Healing power.  I trust you to continue to manifest yourself to me.  You Are God.  I'm so thankful to serve a God that refuses to let me be confused.  I am thankful that I serve a God that answers prayers.  I am thankful that I serve a God that allows me to be His friend.  I am thankful that I serve a God that shows up at the right time.  I am thankful that I serve a God that loves me the way that He does.  I am thankful that I serve a God that covers us with His blood. 

Where would I be?  You only know. 

So glad you see, through eyes of love,

a hopeless case, an empty place,

if not for grace,

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. 

I once was lost, but now I'm found,

a hopeless case, an empty place,

if not for grace.

Yes, I trust you Lord.  Yes Lord I'm willing.  Help me to always remember my purpose for this journey the long way around.  Lord make me strong for your agenda.  Thank you for being my God and taking me on this journey the long way around in this season of my life.  I receive it in my heart, and I believe it in the depths of my soul.  I surrender all.  God is good.

Happy 12 Weeks Baby Jay!

All bathed and ready for bed!

Hurdle #26

My Baby Jay is 12 weeks old today!!  Thank you Lord for your grace that has brought us this far.  Our biggest hurdle to date, 12 weeks ago I couldn't even imagine this day.  You won't find me stressed and depressed.  I'm having the time of my life on this journey.  Your season is what you make it.  Choosing to find the light in all the darkness, choosing to dance in my storm, choosing to soar with Him above the storm, choosing freedom over bondage, choosing to embrace the simple things, choosing peace over worry, choosing to step out in faith, choosing to be the clay for the Potter, choosing to be tested and not defeated, choosing to live in the moment, choosing to speak life, choosing to plead the blood and trust Him completely.  God is good.

I choose to dance...

Jay's still doing quite well Praise God.  She wants to be held all of the time.  She likes the extra security.  She's starting to aspirate more than we want her too when she gets herself worked up.  We're still waiting on the simply thick (thickener) for her milk.  That will help a great deal.  She'll start her RSV shots on October 10th for a little extra protection during RSV season.  She'll have to get a shot once a month for six months.  Still wishing I could bear her cross for her every time she cries.  I just don't want to see her unhappy.  I come boldly before the throne asking God to help her aspirate less and trusting Him to continue to breathe for her.  No matter what storms may continue to come my way I choose to trust God and dance in the storms.  I'm so thankful of these opportunities to dance because as I dance I find myself free.  As I dance, I find grace in the midst of.  As I dance, I find my mind stayed on Him, therefore as I dance, I find the perfect peace that allows me to continue to dance.  Free, with grace, and full of peace.  So I choose to dance.  Thank you Lord for the strength to dance.  God is good.

The King of Glory...

It's been a great Terrific Thursday for Baby Jay.  She's been up most of the evening with me.  I love closing my eyes to rest them only to open them and look down to find her staring at me. Just PRICELESS. 
Psalm 24
The earth is the Lord's and all its fullness.  The world and those who dwell therein...Who is the King of glory? The Lord strong and mighty, The Lord mighty in battle...

Thank you Lord that you are God of ALL.  God of life, God of breath.  It's all yours.  We're all yours.  She's all yours.  Thank you Lord for being the great God that you are and allowing me the privilege to bow boldly before you.  You are the KING of GLORY.  You are Strong and Mighty.  Wow!  I serve a King and a King takes care of His servants.  What love, what security, what a blessing.  Who wouldn't serve a God like this?!  I trust you Lord.  My God, My King, His Glory.  God is good!

His Perfect Knowledge...

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!  Jaylan is finally up to 6 lbs 1 oz I'm so proud of her!  Her ear infection has cleared up pretty nicely and we had her conference today to discuss the results from her assessment at school.  They have decided to focus more specifically on her feeding than anything else.  We are going to have her milk thickened so that she won't aspirate as much and she can get some extra calories.  It should keep her from choking as well.  We met with a speech therapist, physical therapist as well as an occupational therapist.  They all agreed that Jaylan only stops breathing for about 5 seconds at a time instead of 10 to 20 seconds at a time.  I praise God that she's fearfully and wonderfully made.  He formed her most inward parts and He covered her in my womb.  His works are marvelous and that my soul knows very well.  My prayer is that one day her soul will know as well.  Praying that she will grow up and call Him Savior.  Praying that His Spirit surrounds her tiny body.  Thank you Lord for your perfect knowledge of Jaylan.  Thank you for being her Creator and her Healer.  Thank you for your provision as I take the long way around on this journey.  Praising you in the midst of!  God is good!