I choose light...

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.  He was in the beginning with God.  All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made.  In Him was life, and the life was the light of men.  And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.  John 1:1 -5.

Praising God that even in our darkess days His light shines.   In my darkest moments I can glance over at Baby Jay and see His bright light still shining.  The day we received the news, May 2nd, I was surrounded by darkness, although my trust was in God, my world was dark.  Little did I know His light was shining then, I just had to open my eyes.  Darkness can't overcome light but light has already overcome darkness.  In every situation, circumstance, trial, or storm, His light will be shining, I just have to keep my eyes open. Living in the light is a choice.  Living in darkness is also a choice.  The light has been there since the beginning.  As I pray for Jay's healing everyday, I trust God is touching her everyday.  I know everyday won't be a good day and some days will be harder than others, but I will choose to live in His light because I know His work is being done.  No light, no hope, no hope, no future, no future, no life.  I choose light.  I choose life.  I choose Christ.  God is good.

And now I get it....

I finally get it.  Tonight as I watch and listen to Jay, I finally understand as best as I can the love that Jesus has for us.  As I look down on her and see her horrible diaper rash from the medicine she's taking to cure the ear infection she has and I hear the raspy cough that she tries so hard to release, I being her mother, want to bear her pain and discomfort.  I look at her and I hurt for her.  I hurt enough to want to bear her cross for her because I love her so much.  When you have such a love you'll do anything.  For God so loved the world that He gave His only son.  Such love gives me chills.  To look down and see the shape someone is in and want to do whatever it takes to bear it for them is the unconditional love that is lacking in this world.  He lived for us to die for us, He rose for us to live for us.  Help me Lord to show the same love that you've shown for me.  Surround me with your presence, embed me with your Spirit.  Thank you for working all things out for my good for God is good!

Thankful for His plans for her...

Jay's decided that she is bored tonight so we're up finding things to do at 1:00 am.  I've truly enjoyed listening to her breathe really good tonight almost non stop.  Years ago I would have been complaining about getting up in the middle of the night but at this current moment of my life I "choose" to enjoy and embrace this quiet moment with this sweet precious child.  It's really not that bad after all.  Sometimes we dread things instead of choosing to enjoy them.  It's all a choice.  Tonight I think of all kind of things such as what college will Jay decide to go to and what will be the price of college by then.  How sad I'll be to see her move away from home and venture off into new territory.  I often find myself wondering of the plans God has for her.  I know He has an abundant life planned for her and I'm very thankful that He's using her.  It is my prayer to accept those plans.  I know that sometimes God's plans for us don't come in the packages that we would like for them to but I pray that He does help me to accept His plans for her. Grateful for God's plans, presence and power in our lives.  He's an all wise God.  Where would I be, He only knows.  Thank you Lord.  God is good.

Most Worthy...

Thankfully Jay's had a pretty good day.  I just got off the phone with Hospice.  They're making their visits at the day school every Tuesday and Thursday and they won't call me unless there's something wrong so I never look forward to their calls.  I decided to check in with them since I don't get to see them like I use to.  They told me that Jay's doing really good and they all seem to think she's having less apnea.  I'm praising God with open arms.  She said her heart rate is good, her respiratory is good, her color is good and her weight is good although not much it's still good.  She tends to be very alert when they visit and they enjoy loving on her.  Thanking God for His handprints.  Thanking God for her spirit.  Trusting God that every day He's gently touching her, swaddling her, rocking her, blowing breath through her, loving her, healing her.  I pray that He moves me out of His way.  I don't want to be a hindrance to her.  We are so not worthy.  He is definitely MOST worthy.  I wish I could be as good to Him as He is to us.  Bowing before the King, thankful that only goodness flows from Him for I look to the hills which cometh my help.  Strengthen me Oh Lord and cover my mind.  I'm binding and rejecting the fiery darts that Satan has coming towards my family.  He can battle if he wants to but MY God has all power.  We are BATHED in the blood of Jesus.  Lord I continue to give you ALL of the Glory.  God is good!

1 John 5:14-15
This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us -whatever we ask- we know that we have what we asked of Him.

Pleading the blood...

Giving thanks to God for His confirmation today.  God is so good!  I had the privilege to meet a lady today that has a son.  Her son has been shot 16 times and one of those times was in the head.  He's still alive.  God reminded me through her that I have to continue to plead the blood over Baby Jay.  He wants me to trust Him.  It's only through His grace that she is still alive.  God can take her whenever He chooses.  When storms come our way it's easy to wonder why they come into our lives, but why not?  After all that Jesus went through to set us free and give us life abundantly.  I look at Jay and know that I am so blessed.  She wasn't "suppose" to be discharged.  She wasn't "suppose" to survive her first month.  God is good!  I know that "they" think it's impossible for her to live much longer but my God, my God who can do the impossible! As Christians, we will face many trials, but I'm thankful for my trials because how can I become closer to God if I'm not tested.  I'm pleading, she's covered.  My heart is overwhelmed, my heart is full.  Tested with a smile on my face!!  I trust you Lord.  God is good!

Happy 10 Weeks Baby Jay!!!

Hurdle #24

Baby Jay looking up - my fav pic!



Grace...

It's been a wonderful weekend.  Grace is God giving us what we don't deserve.  Through grace, God is allowing Jay to live.  Where would I be if not for grace.  So thankful that God's grace is free.  I didn't have to buy it but Jesus was kind enough to buy it for us and set us free.  Jay is free to heal and free to live.  I'm free to envision her tying her shoes and riding her bike.  Jumping on the bed and running down the street.  Talking non stop in the backseat and and turning flips in the front yard.  I'm free to believe that God has great things in store for her.  Things that I can't imagine because His thoughts are higher than my thoughts and His ways are higher than my ways.  All because of grace a gift that God so generously gave.  A gift.  Something that He wanted us to have.  We receive it in our hearts, we believe it in our minds.  We accept it in our lives.  God is good!


 

Mommy and Jay



Raghan and Jaylan





Favor...

What a good day for Jay.  I love when she is so content.  I'm so amazed and thankful at how blessed we are and how good God is.  I have a heart of gratitude, and a mind of mountain building faith.  Standing on tiptoes of expectations and praying that Jay has a wonderful weekend.  So thankful that God continues to bless us with His favor.  Such favor that we don't deserve.  When I think about the goodness and what he's done for  me...We see it, we feel it, we receive it.  Thankful. God is good.

Still Worthy...

What a day.  We took Jay to get shots today only to find out after she got the shots that they were the same shots that she's already gotten 3 weeks ago.  They told me at her 6 week shot appointment to bring her back in one month for her next set of shots which I thought we were doing when we actually didn't need to get the next set until her 4 month appointment.  The sad thing is I had to inform the clinic that they'd screwed up afterwards the doctor gets on the phone to apologize.  It's definitely been a frustrating day.  Besides that Jay's only gained 5 oz which puts her at 5 lbs 10 oz.  Apparently although she has a good appetite and has been eating a lot better, she's burning many calories just breathing and sucking.  It's not where we wanted her but I'm definitely thankful that at least she's going in the right direction and has finally passed her birth weight.  Oh yeah she also has an ear infection in her right ear.  I had to remind the doctor to check her ears before she left the room.  So disappointed in the Children's Clinic I must say.  I've spoken with ACH and from now on we'll be getting all of Jay's shots there. It already breaks my heart that she's in the midst of these circumstances only to be put through extra pain that wasn't even necessary.  My baby.  Asking God boldly and specifically, that He give Jay the ease to breathe without having to work so hard and burn so many calories.  I claim victory over her struggles and I praise Him in advance for what He's in the midst of doing in her life in Jesus' name.  Definitely claiming better and greater days ahead for Jay.  Although it's been a rough day I will continue to lift Him up because He is still and will always be worthy.  God is good.

Great and Mighty...

Today was a good day for Baby Jay.  Tomorrow we have shots again so she'll get a weight check.  I'm praying for at least a pound.  So thankful that God continues to hold our hands each and everyday.  I was reminded today that we walk by faith and not by sight.  What power in those words.  How devastating our lives would be if we only had sight to go by.  God has been so good to Jay and I pray that one day she sees for herself just how good He is.  Refusing to take life for granted. Absolutely embracing each and every moment.  Continuing to expect great and mighty things from our Great and Mighty God.  How Great is our God!!  Not underestimating Him and His power for God is good!

Free...

Thanking God for thankful Tuesday even if Jay didn't eat too much at daycare.  She's really congested and hospice is trying to get something called into the pharmacy for her.  I just hate that she doesn't feel good.  Claiming that tomorrow will be a better day and accepting nothing less.  Standing firm as the wind blows around me.  Being strong as the waters try to drown me.  I will never give up because I have been set free.  Since I have been set free I refuse to put the chains back on.  I'm free to believe, free to hope and free to trust Him.  My feet are planted and I praise God that He sent His only son to overcome any and everything in our lives.  Whom or what shall I fear??  God is good.

Happy 9 Weeks Baby Jay!

Hurdle #23
Today has been a wonderful holiday and 9 week hurdle for us and Baby Jay.  I'm so blessed to have her in my life and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with her.  We surrender all to the King.  He can do more with all that we have than we could ever imagine.  So thankful today that His thoughts and ways are higher than mine.  Trusting and believing in His plan.  Praying for a magnificent week for Jay.  God is good.

Just waking up...

Jay's favorite position (mine too :))

Happy 9 Weeks pretty girl!



Happy Two Months Baby Jay!

Hurdle #22
What a blessed weekend we've had.  I continue to remain in awe of God as He continues to blow breath through Jay.  Tomorrow is another holiday already.  One holiday ago Jay made her entrance into this world on the 4th of July and little did we know what fireworks God had in store for us.  We continue to see His bright bursts of lightening each and everyday that we have with Jay.  Wow what great plans God had for her to make such an entrance into the world that has set the pace for the rest of her life.  It fits her well.  Trusting God with her life.  The definition of trust is "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something; dependence on something."  Loving Jay and trusting God to continue to touch her each and everyday.  God is good.

Thankful...

Just thankful today.  My heart is full and overwhelmed and my eyes can't stop bleeding tears of thankfulness.  God is good.

Not lucky, but Blessed...

What a terrific Thursday.  I checked on Baby Jay today at daycare for the first time.  Michael drops her off and picks her up everyday.  It was a great feeling.  I could feel the love when I walked in.  At this time there are only 3 babies in Jay's classroom and there are normally 3 teachers.  Everyone gave me great reports from the assistant to the teachers to the nurse to our hospice nurse.  They all said that Jay was doing great, her breathing is good and she's very alert.  She had her assessment yesterday and we will have a conference in the next couple of weeks with the day school to put together a plan for her.  I don't know the details of the assessment at this point but we were told that the assessment was very good.  So thankful that God continues to show up.  And to think that Jay has the worst of the worst Trisomy.  All I can do is pray from my heart for the people that continue to underestimate my God.  The blood of Jesus...means life.  It means that we are set free and that we are overcomers.  It means that all things are possible.  It means that we who believe have a supernatural power in our lives that some just don't understand.  It means that we can have a peace in the midst of our storms that we don't understand.  When our boat is rocking back and forth on troubled waters, we can sleep and not stress out about it.  It means that we don't have to be strong because when we are weak He is strong.  It means that we can ask anything in His name because He has gone to be with the Father and intercedes for us.  You can't tell me I'm lucky because I don't believe in it but you can call me blessed because I do believe in Him.  I adore Him.  I exalt Him.  I honor Him. I place no one before Him.  God is good.

Singing to Baby Jay...

This is not a very good picture but I had to share.  I was singing to Baby Jay last night "Where would I be, you only know so glad you see through eyes of love, a hopeless case, an empty place, if not for grace."  I used to sing this daily when I was pregnant with Jay.  She was looking at my mouth in this picture and listening intensely until she fell asleep so peacefully in the same position.  Loving Baby Jay and the time we get to spend together.  God is good.

Happy Wonderful Wednesday!

This is the day that the Lord has made let us rejoice and be glad in it!



Daddy and the girls



Mommy and Baby Jay



Bray declined to have his photo taken...

A Good Work...

I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6.  Thankful for God's presence in our lives.  No matter what happens and what challenges present themselves to us I believe that God will finish the good work that He started.  God doesn't do half done jobs.  I'm believing and expecting great things in Baby Jay's life.  I trust Him to continue to turn things around.  Tested but not defeated, challenged but not discouraged.  Trusting and serving God Almighty in Jesus' name.  God is good.

Forgive me Lord...

I've been sitting here reflecting on Jaylan's birth.  We had already been told that we would be put on Comfort Care since Jay was already diagnosed with Trisomy 13.  We had carefully made the decision to deliver in Conway with no Intervention Team on standby.  So with nothing but the grace of God Jay was born and survived.  She had no worldly technology or assistance.  Just her and God.  The day after she was born when she began having lots of trouble breathing and turned completely blue while gasping for breath, we were told by the "doctor" that she was passing away as we all sat and watched, held her and cried, and waited in silence... she survived.  I remember asking God "Lord just take her now, please just take her now I can't handle seeing her struggle."  Michael was saying "Lord please help her breath".  By His grace she still survived.  Once again, it wasn't about any of us.  God was looking down with His plan in tact saying I have much work to be done.  I've asked God to forgive me for getting in His way and the work of His Kingdom because at that moment I was denying His work.  I'm so thankful that His plan overrides me and I pray that His work is being done just as He designed it to be done from the beginning.  I look at Baby Jay now with so much love and I know that babies can work for God too.  If babies can work for God, than what should we be doing?  God is good.

Daily Walk...Sleeping Peacefully

A Vision in my Heart...

What a wonderful peaceful day!  Baby Jay did absolutely wonderful on her 8 week birthday.  She's laying here just listening to all of the noise around her and taking it all in.  We praise God that she can see and hear!  Sometimes we take for granted such important things in our lives.  This evening I read a chapter to Michael from Joel Osteen's book "Your Best Life Now" about not being fearful about things but having faith and trusting God.  Also about speaking and dwelling on positive things and not negative.  As I read the book aloud and held Jay, I was amazed at how she carefully watched my mouth as if she was listening to a much needed bedtime story.  I envision her being a reader, a thinker, a teacher, a leader.  I see her having such a desire to learn and such a need to speak.  I pray that one day she will be able to tell her own testimony in her own words.  Where there is no vision, the people perish.  Oh Lord the vision that I have in my heart.  Envisioning now, Expecting in the future, Praising Him in advance.  God is good!

Happy 8 Weeks Sweet Baby Jay!

Hurdle #21

The Power of Prayer...

I'm so thankful that I am saved by grace.  Where would I be without the blood of Jesus that was shed so many years ago to cover me.  When Jesus died it opened up the airways of communication to the Father.  If Jesus wouldn't have put me as a priority in His life through such love and grace way back then, I wouldn't have the power of prayer today. One thing that has come out of this season that we are in the midst of is prayer.  We have always taught our kids to pray about any and everything but recently we decided to begin family prayer on Sunday nights in order to prepare us for our week.  It's a wonderful thing to hear Raghan's prayer shaping from a sentence prayer to a deep heartfelt prayer as she prays for each member of our family especially Baby Jay.  We know in our hearts that Jay is still here and doing well ONLY because of the power of prayer and God's goodness.  We're thankful to everyone in our lives, those we know and those we don't that have taken their time and heart to send prayers for Baby Jay.  No one will ever know just how grateful we really are.  It's almost overwhelming to even think about.  Once again we see God's handprint all over our lives and we give Him all of the Glory.  Coming boldly before His throne making our specific requests known to God.  We seek Him, we trust Him, we believe Him, we love Him.  He keeps us, He carries us, He covers us, He loves us.  God is good.

Still blessed...

Today has been another great day with Baby Jay.  We started off by sleeping in until 10 am (since we were up several times during the night) and this was one wonderful thing.  Jay had a great first week at daycare and we are definitely looking forward to another great week.  She's even taken a couple of 4 oz bottles this weekend.  She's starting to pop up at 6 am each morning so I guess we're beginning to get on a schedule.  She's getting stronger and stronger and tonight we noticed her trying to roll over.  Still falling in love with her more and more everyday.  Asking God to continue to bless and provide healing for her from head to toe everyday and we receive His healing on her behalf.  We are so grateful and our hearts are so full.  We will continue to speak life over her and whisper prayers of strength and healing in her sweet little ears every night.  Asking God to bless us and equip us to be the parents that He designed us to be and not the parents that we choose to be.  Everything in His plan, everything in His time.  Loving life, loving her, and loving God.  Covered by His grace.  God is good.

All about Him...

Thanking God that it's not about us but all about Him.  Nothing is about us but it's all about Him.  Life is not about us, it's all about Him.  Praising God in the midst of.  God is good.

Time that stands still...

What can I say but another blessed day.  Baby Jay had a great day at daycare and stayed awake for 2 whole hours when I came home.  We went walking this evening and time almost stood still for me.  Raghan on her bike, Braylan in the wagon and Jay in the stroller in the midst of God's wonderful creation.  Once again I'm reminded that He is Creator of ALL.  It was a moment of time that I wish I could hang onto forever.  I couldn't have asked for the moment to be any better.  Thankful because what a Mighty God I serve.  Thankful for the Spirit that lives in me and Thankful for the blood shed out of love.  I've been envisioning Jay crawl, walk and play.  I'm praying that one day she'll be a thinker, a writer, a teacher for where there is no vision the people perish.  Thankful that I am able to keep a vision.  Still looking deep into her eyes as if looking into her soul.  What life I see.  What peace I see.  What love I see.  I know deep down in my soul that she has already been touched by God Almighty Himself.  Thankful that He allows her to rest in the palm of His hand.  God is love and God is good.

Grateful for the Simple Pleasures...

Gazing into eyes...

Patting your little bottom...

Grasping little fingers...

Sitting a while and rockin'...

Brushing small curls...

Kissing soft cheeks...

Taking in your smell while

Rubbing little feet...

Embracing simple pleasures, I'm blessed beyond measure

In His arms you shall remain, we're asking these blessings in Jesus name...

So Grateful... it's just that simple.

God is good.

You're Everything to me...I bow before the KING!

Another blessed day.  Everyone is sound asleep except me and Baby Jay and I get her all to myself.  She's patiently sitting here allowing me to pray over her and sing to her.  She even has a little bit to say to me every once in a while.  Blessed to have this moment.  Milestones said she had a better day than she did yesterday because she ate more.  Thankful to see God's handprint ALL over our lives.  My cup is running over with His favor and I give Him praise for it all.  The song that has been on my heart from sunrise this morning is by Ty Tribbett called Everything to me, "Everything, you're everything to me, everything, you're everything to me, life and breath, you're everything to me, you're my peace, you're everything to me, joy and sorrow, you're everything to me, hope for tomorrow, MASTER, SAVIOR, RULER, REDEEMER, SHELTER, PROVIDER, DELIVERER, HEALER, FATHER, FATHER, FATHER, SAVIOR, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS... I bow before the KING, I bow before the KING, I bow before the KING, I bow before the KING..."  This song takes my breath away because I am so in awe of God right now I'm like a little kid in a candy store and I can't stop grinning from ear to ear.   My heart is full, my mind is focused and my soul rejoices. Who wouldn't serve a God like this??  Seeking ye first the kingdom of God as I continue to delight myself in the Lord.  I will trust Him and lean not on my own understanding as I continue to acknowledge Him so that He can continue to direct my paths. My God, My Father, I bow before the King.  God is good!

Happy 7 Weeks Baby Jay!

Hurdle #20
Today Jay is 7 weeks old and that is definitely something to give a praise report for.  God continues to blow me away everyday.  She's doing really good and had a wonderful first day at daycare.  I couldn't wait to see her and of course she was asleep when I finally did.  She was fussy most of last night because she was so hungry and woke up every 2 hours to eat.  Don't get me wrong I am not complaining!  God is truly blessing us everyday and I don't take one minute of it for granted.  I am so thankful that we get to embrace her and love on her.  I'm still coming before the throne and making specific requests to God to cover Baby Jay from head to toe.  We all are.  I can't believe that these 7 weeks have flown by so fast!  They've been the best 7 weeks of my life.  I will continue to stand firm on His word and believe and receive His promises.  I'm thankful that He gives me the authority to trample over everything that Satan sends our way.  We don't receive anything from him but we reject and bind it all.  He wants me to be down and wants me to think and focus on the worst and he always wants me to minimize my God but he must realize that my God will always be BIGGER than him and he'll never come close to comparing to Him.  Satan will never take my joy.  My joy is permanent and cannot be erased, stolen, broken, damaged, picked apart, or DESTROYED!  I choose to focus on the positive and to speak life.  My God, My God.  Praising Him in the midst of, serving Him in spite of and loving Him because of, in Jesus name.  God is good.

Baby Jay's first day of daycare!