Stepping out...

Baby Jay had a better day today than yesterday with her breathing.  Yesterday she seemed to stop more often than before.  However she has a better appetite which we're thankful for.  Just by looking at her it seems that she's gaining weight.  She's scheduled for her shots on Tuesday so we'll get another weight check.  I have one more week at home and back to work I go.  I'm going to miss her so much.  As a parent you feel as though no one can love on and take care of your baby better than you can. I have truly enjoyed my time with her this summer. Tonight Mike and I studied the Book of Ruth since he has to do Sunday School review in the morning.  I've always admired Ruth because of her commitment to God and her ability to step out on faith.  I choose to be like Ruth and step out on faith.  I trust God for what He has planned for our lives.  I'm trusting Him to continue to bless and surround me with His perfect peace.  Just as Ruth had great things planned for her future I believe that God has great things planned for ours.  I know He loves me, I know He loves Baby Jay, and we love Him.  He's a good God.  God is love.  God is good.

No more floods...

Today has definitely been a blessed day words can't even describe.  First of all Baby Jay is still with us and doing great!  Just as I was praying this morning for God to make a way for Braylan to get into preschool (in which he's been on the waiting list for about 3 months), I called to check on his spot and the office lady tells me that she'd left me a message on my work voicemail yesterday, letting me know that his spot would be ready on the 22nd (the day that I am returning to work).  Next as I was making my way out of the house to get Raghan registered for gymnastics this year and to go and pay my deposit for Bray's preschool, by the grace of God I decided to check the mailbox before I left only to find an unexpected check for a doctor bill that apparently we overpaid.  The great thing about it is that the check was enough to cover everything that I needed to pay for today with money left over. As Raghan and I begin making our errand rounds we stopped by the hospital only to find that Jan, my coworker had a pair of black sandals for Raghan (among other things).  I've been looking for some black sandals for Raghan's first day of school outfit that didn't cost an arm and a leg.  Next my mother graced us with her presence to babysit Jay and Bray so that the Mike, Raghan and I could attend Raghan's school orientation.  This was both Mike and my first time out of the house together without Baby Jay.  We have a great feeling about Raghan's teacher and also feel that this is going to be a wonderful year.  To top things off God blessed us with a beautiful rainbow this evening to complete our day.  Through the rainbow I felt that God spoke to my heart. Once again throughout the day he completely blessed me letting me know that He got this.  Everything that I'm going through, He's there for me and there will be nothing that comes my way that I'll have to worry about.  The book of Genesis tells us that after the flood God sent a rainbow.  The rainbow was a covenant between God and the earth that He would never flood the earth again.  It lets me know in my life today that God will never flood my life with more than I can bear.  As a matter of fact He's just waiting to bless me in more ways than I can imagine when I least expect it.  Why?  Because He is who He is.  He's AWESOME, He's MAGNIFICENT, He's WONDERFUL, He's GLORIOUS, He's God and God is good!

Because of who you are...

The song of worship on my heart this morning, "Because of who you are I give you glory, because of who you are I give you praise.  Because of who you are I will lift my voice and say Lord I worship you because of who you are.  Jehovah Jireh, my Provider, Jehovah Nissi, Lord you reign in victory, Jehovah Shalom, my Prince of Peace.  And I worship you because of who you are."  Despite of everything I will continue to worship Him.  Because of who He is, Jaylan is who she is.  Blessed.  God is good.

Happy 5 Weeks Baby Jay!

Hurdle #18
Baby Jay has made it to 5 weeks and still doing good.  We did receive our retest results and they were the same but I still fully believe that God holds the final answer.  I refuse to be down about them but I'm still asking Him to prepare me for His will.  I don't know how He'll do it but some things aren't meant for us to know and that's where trust comes in.  He's been so good to me I know He won't fail me.  Results are only results but God Almighty is God Almighty.  So powerful we'll never be able to wrap our minds around it.  I will continue to praise Him in spite of.  Loving Baby Jay to the fullest.  Loving MY God Almighty with all my heart and soul as He asks me too.  God is good.

The things I see...

Baby Jay is doing great as always Praise God.  I'm thankful that we hadn't needed the oxygen machine for several days now, what a great blessing!  Sometimes when she's awake she stares so deep into my eyes and I stare so deep into her eyes.  It feels like she can see my soul and I can see her soul.  There's so much character in her soul.  So much life.  I see lots of strength and so much more that I just can't put my finger on but I trust God to show me in due time all that there is to know about her.  It's very much a sense of warmth that overtakes me.  Something that I just don't know if I can live without.  When I sing and talk about Jesus to her it seems as if she already knows Him but wants to know more.  I'm thankful to God for our connection and bond as any parent would be.  I just want to be everything to her that God wants me to be.  I want to hurt for her, I want to breathe for her and while I know I can't physically do those things I do know that I can love and embrace her to no end.  My prayer today is that she will one day know just how much I love her and will love me back.  Trusting the King who's ruler of all.  God is good.

Thankful yet again...

Baby Jay went for shots today only to find out she needs to be six weeks and they misscheduled her.  Now we have to go back in a couple of weeks.  Today I did a little back to school shopping and found myself missing Baby Jay quite a bit.  I know it'll be hard when I go back to work because I'm so used to being with her all the time.  She's just so sweet you just don't want to leave her.  I'm asking God to make His strength perfect in my weakness.  I'm thankful today.  Thankful for another day of being with those that I love most.  I've learned to enjoy all of the extra quality time that I've had with my family.  I'm claiming great things for Baby Jay's life while still trusting God and standing on His word. I'm praying that He gives me everything I need to get to the place He has in His plans for me to be.  God is good.

Happy One Month Birthday Baby Jay! NO rocks for me...

Hurdle #17
Happy One Month Birthday Baby Jay!  31 whole days.   I'm so proud of her.  She slept most of the day.  I imagine yesterday's appointment wore her out because she also slept all night. I'm still asking God to cover this beautiful child that He so wonderfully and fearfully made from head to toe.   What a blessed day to have this baby girl.  I'm praying that God gives me the endurance to run this race that He has placed before me.  The song on my heart tonight is by Smokie Norful, "I need you now"  It says "Not a second, Or another minute, Not an hour, Or another day, But at this moment with my arms outstretched, I need you to make a way, As you’ve done so many times before, Through a window or an open door, I stretch my hands to you, Come rescue me, I need you right away, I need you now, I need you now, I need you now, I need you now."  I'm so thankful to hold my child tonight and feel her movements and hear her breathe.  I'm standing on tiptoes of expectations.  Today I bless God and I give Him the GLORY! 50 - 80% of Trisomy 13 babies don't make it past their first month IF they make it out of the womb.  I refuse to let the rocks cry out for me.  All Praise be to God!  God is good!

Hospital Pics - 7/4/11

God is able...

Baby Jay had a good doctor's appointment at ACH today.  It went just as I expected.  I have to give it to them they were very warm and welcoming.  We are seeing the Palliative care team which is a team designed for special needs kids.  Today we met with the Medical Director of the team, two nurses, a social worker and a speech pathologist all in an hour and a half.  They answered all of our questions and they drew her blood to retest her for trisomy.  I think she held her breath more than she cried.  The triage nurses kept telling her to stop holding her breath because she was scaring them.  I'm at so much peace when she holds her breath because I know God is going send the next one right on time just as He did in the beginning with Adam and Eve.  God is definitely in the business of breathing the breath of life through the nostrils of man.  He is so good.  They made if very clear that they felt like the first test was accurate but they would retest her because it makes me feel better.  We just want to do all that we as parents should do for our angel baby.  When you're talking about life and death of our child, we don't want to have any regrets saying we should have done this or we should have done that.  They also told me not to worry much about the Pyloric Stenosis.  If she does have it the good thing is that it's something that can fix itself.  Jay's gained 1/2 a pound this last week which puts her at 5 lbs 1 oz, so since she's taking her milk good and gaining weight we can let it fix itself instead of putting her under anesthesia.  They were really good to us and Baby Jay.  Bless the doctors hearts.  Don't get me wrong I'm an advocate for knowledge but having all that knowledge still limits them to a square box.  I'm so thankful that they don't and can't measure up to God.  I'm so thankful that God isn't in that square box.  The doctor kept saying "when she dies".  Wouldn't it be something to walk into a doctor's office and hear the doctor say "when the Lord decides"?  In the end it didn't matter to me because I made it clear that it was in God's hands.  I'm still praying God's will.  I love that little girl, we all do.  God knows my heart and I trust Him to follow His plan for all of us.  Whatever He chooses I trust that He'll prepare us.  I'm focusing on two things, His POWER and living in the NOW.  I'm not worried about what tomorrow holds because He tells me not to.  It'll take about a week to get Jay's test results back so I'm definitely still in full prayer mode as always.  My little firecracker (as Charlie calls her) is fighting on with her little strong self.    God is definitely able, willing, fully capable and full of goodness to do any and all things and that's what He asks us to believe so that's what I choose to believe.  I love and trust my God, they just don't know how much, but God knows my heart.  The song on my heart tonight, is "God is able to do just what he said he would do, He's gonna fullfill every promise to you.  Don't give up on God, cause he won't give up on you, He's able."  Praise God for today. God is good.

Baby Jay ready for her appointment today!

Today's Prayer...

Praying that God Almighty cover us today with His mercy, grace, favor and goodness that He is filled with! God is good!

My God!

I am in awe of God which is exactly where I want to be in my life.  He wow's me everyday that I wake up and find that He's still blowing breath into Jaylan.  Jay's had a pretty good peaceful day although she's starting to spit up quite a bit of her milk.  It's looks like pyloric stenosis that Bray had and the genetic counselor warned us that Jay had a 1 in 40 chance of getting it as well.  Pyloric Stenosis is when the opening below the stomach is not large enough to let the milk pass through so it results in projectile vomiting.  I pray that she doesn't have it because if she does it means 3 days in ACH for belly surgery.  I'm excited about our ACH appointment tomorrow no matter what conclusions they come to.  I will continue to believe the way I believe until the Lord shows me diifferently.  I refuse to resize my God but what I will do is resize my problems. I choose to keep the visions in my heart positive and optimistic, why would I choose differently when I have God Almighty - El Shaddai, Jehovah Shalom - My Peace, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, the I AM that I AM, the Good Shepherd, Jehovah Nissi - My Deliverer, and I definitely can't forget Jehovah Rophe - My Healer!  Baby Jay started with Him and she'll end with Him Praise God! At this moment I'm definitely thankful that I serve not a part-time God but a 24/7 God.  I'm thankful that He is Baby Jay's Creator so He knows exactly what areas of her body to touch.  My God! The originator of goodness!  God is Good!

Happy 4 Weeks Baby Jay! He's a GREAT GOD!

Hurdle # 16
Happy 4 Weeks Baby Jay!  All Glory goes to God because it is only because of Him and His goodness that we have made it over this hurdle.  No one can tell me that God isn't good!!!  I just got off the phone with a doctor from ACH that's going to start seeing Baby Jay beginning Wednesday.  They're going to do a blood test to reconfirm the diagnosis and answer any questions that I have.  I am so thankful that God has blessed us to see another doctor.  She told me that Trisomy 13 is by far the worst trisomy and that there aren't a lot of doctors that see these babies because they don't typically make it to discharge from the hospital.  The oldest trisomy baby living in Arkansas right now is about 4 months.  I'm  definitely in full prayer mode because God has already showed me JUST how good He is and I trust Him to continue this great thing that He has started.  He told me to ask anything in His name, do not ask amiss, but ask and believe and He'll do it.  I believe, I believe, I believe in His power!  I'm thankful that I serve a Supernatural God!  The song on my heart right now is How Great is our God by Chris Tomlin.  "The splendor of a King, clothed in majesty, Let all the earth rejoice, All the earth rejoice, He wraps himself in Light, and darkness tries to hide, And trembles at His voice, Trembles at His voice, How great is our God, sing with me, How great is our God, and all will see, How great, how great is our God, Age to age He stands, And time is in His hands, Beginning and the end, Beginning and the end, The Godhead Three in One, Father Spirit Son, The Lion and the Lamb, The Lion and the Lamb, Name above all names, Worthy of our praise, My heart will sing, How great is our God, How great is our God, sing with me, How great is our God, and all will see, How great, how great is our God".   God is GOOD!!!

Romans 8:28

Jaylan had a pretty peaceful day today.  She slept most of the day and decided to pop up for a little while this evening.    Now that she's taken a FULL bottle she's resting quite peacefully if I may say.  Tonight the scripture on my heart is Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."  It confirms that this journey with Jaylan was already in God's plan and it can do nothing but what He designed it to do which is fulfill His purpose.  What a blessing in itself to know that God has the power to overrule and work through any circumstance as long as it fulfills His purpose.  I'm thankful that I serve an ALL powerful God.  I'm thankful that nothing and no one can touch or even measure up to God's power.  I know we'll never be able to fully imagine just what all God's power can do.  I do know that because of His power, Jaylan is here on this 27th day.  THANKFUL! God is good.

Storms...

We've made it through another day with no setbacks Praise God.  Baby Jay even had several 2 oz bottles today.  She was quite fussy tonight for some reason but now that we've gotten her to sleep she's been sleeping and snoring pretty peacefully for the last couple of hours.  You can't help but think she may be hurting when she's crying but I pray that she's not.  I'm very thankful that she settles down once she's picked up.  I don't mind her being spoiled one bit if it means she's not in pain.  We're finally settling her in.  I know it's taken us long enough but it's hard to think that she may not be here long depending on God's will so we didn't want to get attached to settling her in since we're already attached to her angelic presence in our lives.  However in our hearts it seems like the right thing to do for the time being and I've prayed that whatever decisions we make let them at least be the right decisions.  I know we all have to go through storms especially when we're taking this lifelong journey with Jesus.  Storms are good for us and can provide the right growth in our lives if we allow them to.  I'm very thankful that as I go through this storm He is right there holding my hand and even picking me up to carry me when I'm too weak to walk through it.  I'm thankful that these storms are so easy to Jesus that He can sleep through them just like when He was on the boat with the disciples in Luke 8.  I'm also thankful that throughout this storm He allows me to maintain this unspeakable joy that He has blessed me with because in James 1 He tells me to count it all joy when these trials come along.  Never in a million years would I have felt that I could still have such joy during such circumstances.  I know it is only He that sustains me and I will continue to rest in His arms for the duration of this journey.  Thankful yet again.  Thankful that He is still interceding on my behalf.  Thankful that storms don't last forever.  Eventually they stop and the sun returns.  Thankful for my storms and thankful that God is good.

High hopes...

Another blessed day for Baby Jay.  She's still doing well although she's a bit congested.  Everyone has gone to bed without us tonight so we've been chit chatting it up except I've done most of the talking.  It's been a pretty full day and I am exhausted beyond exhausted.  I think all of this lack of sleep along with getting used to having three kids is finally catching up with me.  Today was day 25 and I'm thankful for this milestone.  Sometimes I think the only thing that gets me through is knowing that Baby Jay is covered by the blood of the lamb.  I'm praying for a great weekend and an even better Happy Four Weeks.  I can't help but get my hopes up, afterall that is what faith is.  God is good.

I am that I am...

Another great day for Baby Jay.  She was definitely awake more today.  We are loving on her so much.  We are in the process of finding her a doctor in Little Rock, hopefully a doctor who has experience with Trisomy babies.  Tomorrow I will talk with the neonatologist from ACH because I have several unanswered questions.  We would love to have a chest xray done to see if her breathing is related to her lungs more than her heart.  Sometimes she works so hard to breathe you can see her whole little body going up and down.  I find myself taking a deep breath along with her sometimes yet we are thankful that she's taking those breaths.  We will continue to speak life on Baby Jay.  Afterall Jesus said "All things are possible for He that believes."  We definitely believe that He is totally able, willing and capable to heal Baby Jay if that is what He chooses.    God said "I am that I am".  I'm thankful that I serve the Almighty God, the "I am that I am" God.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  We refuse to put God in a box, He's too Almighty for it.  We refuse to minimize God, He's too Almighty for that also. Oh the power that He holds blows me away.  God is good.

Handpicked...

Baby Jay's had a pretty wonderful day.  She's doing so much better eating.  I've even gotten her scheduled to get those shots that they don't want to give her.  I decided to go ahead and check into some childcare for Baby Jay since she seems to be doing so well so I contacted Milestones today and discovered that they will have an opening for her when I go back to work in a few weeks and it sounds like an awesome place to have her.  They will do their own assessment and testing and we'll all sit down and create a program plan for her.  I think it'll be great for her and it makes me feel a lot better.  Charlie came today and said she was doing great and her heart rate is great.  I'm absolutely thankful of the goodness that God has brought us today and I'm getting more and more excited about His manifestation that He has planned.  It's overwhelming to think about His glory throughout the whole journey.  It gives me chills.  One thing I've learned is that when God shows up, God shows out no matter what the circumstances and situation may be.  I trust God and would never doubt Him.  I'm standing on tiptoes of expectations and I know deep down in my soul that He's not going to let me down.  I am so thankful that I have been handpicked for this journey that God has placed me on.  He is too good to me.  When we're handpicked for life's journeys by God, we know that He's definitely working in our lives and I am not going to complain about that. Before I was born, God planned this journey and I know He planned it out of love, for God is love and God is good!

Encouraged...

I've chosen to spend my evening resting over Baby Jay and just listening to the sound of her breathing.  It's so motivating and refreshing in its own way.  With every breath I hear I am more and more thankful to God for being so loving, and full of mercy to allow us the privilege of having Baby Jay on this 22nd day. While it's so easy to get discouraged as doctors shake their heads and have long given up on her, I refuse.  Instead I choose to be encouraged.  Only Satan wants me to be down, but I bind every dart and ounce of negativity that he sends my way in the name of Jesus.  It's already done and praises to God have already gone up.  I'm encouraged because I trust God's plan.  Thankfully His plan exceeds me and my mind.  I come boldly before His throne everyday and I make my requests known to God through prayer and supplication with much thanksgiving.  Still standing on His word.  I'm encouraged because I have hope.  The Word tells us that faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.  You better believe that although it's hard to see the hope is definitely there.  I believe that no matter what the doctors think or say, God's will will prevail.  Definition of encouraged - to have hope and confidence.  Today I choose to be encouraged and tomorrow I will choose to do the same. God is good.

The blood...

The song on my heart today, "The blood that Jesus shed for me, way back on calvary.  The blood that gives me strength, from day to day, it will never lose its power.  It soothes my doubts and calms my fears.  It dries all of my tears.  The blood, that gives me strength from day to day.  It will never lose its power.  It reaches to the highest mountain and it flows from the lowest valley."  Thankful for the blood, where would I be.  God is good.

Happy Three Weeks Baby Jaylan!

Hurdle# 15
Today's been a pretty good day.  Happy 3 Weeks Baby Jaylan!!  We had our doctor's appt today.  Baby Jay now weighs 4.9 lbs so she has lost a little weigh.  We're not going to let that get us down.  ACH doesn't suggest that she get shots however.  We're not going to let that get us down either.  The pediatrician even told us not to worry about coming back for another appointment.  God's glory will come, we trust Him and when it comes it's going to hit like an unexpected burst of lightning!  She's still doing the same and although you can tell when she works hard to breathe I don't think she stops as often.  We're going to continue to work on these 2 oz bottles.  Today Mike's grandmother visited us and Baby Jay.  It was such a blessing to hear a little "Old School Wisdom" (as Michael calls it).  It was just what I needed.  She reconfirmed everything on my heart without even knowing it and I'll treasure her words for many days to come.  You can never put a price on "Old School Wisdom".  I know that in the end only God's will will be done.  I don't know what His will is but I will continue to stand firm on His WORD.  In the end all we have is His WORD and it's full of power that we'll never be able to wrap our minds around.  Today, I'm thankful, just pure thankful.  Thankful that God continues to blow that "God given breath" into Baby Jay, thankful that God places the right people in our lives at the right time and thankful that God is just plain ole good.  Can we say, God is good!

Speak

Baby Jay has finally taken her first full bottle.  2 oz is definitely a milestone for her.  I'm so glad she has an appetite.  She didn't sleep too well last night which means neither did I.  I know she just wants to be held because as soon as we put her down she wakes up and won't go back to sleep until we pick her back up.  We're really looking forward to her appointment tomorrow.  The song on my heart now is "Speak" by Myron Butler and Levi.  It says "I shall have what I decree.  Yes I believe it belongs to me, so I'm going to speak into the atmosphere.  Healing, deliverance, it's mine..."  We speak healing over Jay.  Jehovah Rophe is real and we do believe without a doubt.  We speak life over Jay everyday and so far God has honored His word.  We don't know how much life God is going to bless Jay with on this earth but He has definitely blessed her with life.  We are claiming tomorrow to be a very good day.  We are claiming tomorrow's appointment to be a very good appointment.  We have seen God's GLORY shine so bright thus far and we expect to see it even brighter.  Everyday that we wake up with Baby Jay we know that it's because of His mercy, love and goodness, and that He's touched her again.  God is good.

Hurdle #14
Today was Baby Jay's first day out of the house and I think it has made both of us pretty exhausted.  She's still breathing better and better since she's not stopping as often Praise God.  All in all she's had a pretty good day.  She's starting to get more color to her skin and is looking really good.  She's even sleeping better and better. She's starting to sleep in four hour increments at night so we're getting a little more sleep.  We're still praying great things for Baby Jay's life in the name of Jesus.  It's a relief that His power is infinite and not about medical and science.  It's only through our faith in Christ Jesus that we can wake up everyday and have the hope that we have.  He definitely wows us everyday.  Where would I be?  Where would she be?  God is good.

Dedicated back to God

Simple things in life...

Gotta Praise Him for the small things...

Just sitting here loving on Baby Jay and I have to say in the last half hour she hasn't stopped breathing one time.  She normally stops breathing like every 10 seconds.  I know the good Lord is working on her.   I bless His name for these last peaceful 30 minutes.  What a gift.  We don't thank God enough.  The last verse in the book of Psalm says "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord".  That's exactly what we are doing, praising Him even for the small things.  God is good!

Grateful...

Praise God, Baby Jay has made it another day.  Another day that we didn't think we'd have.  She is so strong.  She doesn't seem to be in any pain and we're thankful for that.  Jay's been a little restless today but I think it's because she wants to be held and not put down.  She really just wants to go to sleep on my chest.  I wish I could get her to eat more.  I'm very interested in getting her to the doctor on Monday to see just how much she weighs now.  I'm so proud of Baby Jay for pressing forward.  She definitely has a fight in her. I'm so thankful for the strength that God has given Jay.  It's only through God and He's definitely blowing my mind. The song on my heart right now is Grateful by Hezekiah Walker.  It says "I am grateful for the things you have done, yes I am grateful for the victories we've won,  I could go on and on and on, about your works, because I'm grateful, grateful, so grateful just to praise you Lord, flowing from my heart are the issues of my heart, is gratefulness." Gratefulness is flowing from my heart because I am truly grateful.  Still praising Him in the midst of it all...God is good.

Perfect Peace - Baby Jay

Life is a test...

Baby Jay is still doing great Praise God.  I think her heart rate was a little high today but I'm just thankful that she still has one.  She's been following me with her eyes and it just amazes me.  She tends to be so hungry all of the time bless her heart.  When she feeds it's like she sucks for dear life.  She sucks so hard that you can tell she's cutting off her oxygen supply and the last thing she wants to do is breathe.  I have to stop her feeding often to make her take a breath and she truly hates it.  You can't help but wonder sometimes when she gets upset and works herself up if it's because she's hurting some kind of way or if she's just crying because that's what babies do.  Every day has it's own challenges.  I've been reading and studying "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren and one of my favorite parts is in Chapter 5: Seeing Life from God's View.  It says that Life is a test.  It tells us that character is developed and revealed by tests and that God is constantly testing us through our response through people, conflict, success, illness, and disappointments.  God is watching to see how we handle our tests.  Do we panic, do we run to others or do we turn to Him and put our trust in Him and His plans for our lives.  Sometimes God puts our faith through tests.  I know my faith is being tested but I'm game for it.  You see the devil comes but to steal, kill and destroy. (John 10:10)  He wants to rip my character to shreds but since I am covered by the blood of Jesus my character is being built every single day throughout this journey.  He never said it would be easy but I'm sure Jesus didn't think it was "easy" to be crucified either.  I still trust God and the plan He has for our lives.  It is my prayer that He maintains the sanity of my mind and helps me to keep my focus on non other but Him.  Sometimes it is so easy to allow our flesh to take over our lives and think for us so I'm also praying that the spirit overrides the flesh.  Baby Jay is in His hands and God can do no wrong.  I trust Him.  After all, Life is a test and I refuse to flunk and fail. I know God is watching me and how I respond to this test that He has placed before me.  It's definitely a hard one but the one thing I do know about this test is that... God is good.

For I know the plans I have for you...

Baby Jay has made it yet another day!  We are on day 15!  We are thankful that everything that is destined to happen in Baby Jay's life was already in God's plans to happen and there isn't a thing that anyone can do about it.  God keeps on amazing me each and every day.  I asked Raghan to talk to Baby Jay today while I fixed lunch and I could hear her singing to Baby Jay, "you're going to meet God and Jesus and live in a castle and have fun" in her own tune.  What a realization for a 6 year old.  Of course she knows that Jay could be with us for a while too.  I'm definitely very, very tired.  I find myself trying to get many things done when Baby Jay sleeps instead of getting sleep myself.  Thankfully Michael took the whole shift last night and let me sleep all night.  I am definitely looking forward to another wonderful, beautiful day with Baby Jay.  I'm definitely learning to live in the moment and take it all in.  Time is so precious and God is good.